I look better un-naked...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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