Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
FUCK WHALES
He has the fingertips of a God
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