i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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