yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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