I faked an abortion last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
