That's intense
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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