Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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