you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
