She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
