I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
