He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
