Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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