garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
