In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
