If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize