Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
