If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
