Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
