saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
