I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
