I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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