mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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