eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
