Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
