Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize