He uses pillows to masturbate.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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