it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you would pick up someone in the library
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
