You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
not ubering you a puppy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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