i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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