Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
