i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
