did you get engaged???
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
