Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
