If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
