weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
