i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
