Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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