It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
