ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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