can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
