Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
