my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
