I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize