So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize