is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
