I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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