You just made me feel so damn special
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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