Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize