If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
