i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
