You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
