they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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