The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
