youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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