im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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