I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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