so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
