Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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