Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
