She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
