I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
