we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize