? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
