im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
