sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
